When we decided to get married, CDH said to me “My job is to turn up on the right day at the right time carring a piece of paper and wearing something that doesn’t have holes in it. Youre job is all the rest.”

This is a reaction many men have over the W word. The reasoning behind our lads’ desire to step away from wedding prep is complex. With CDH and I, the dynamic of our relationship works as such that I am the organizor – I keep track of the finances, the details of our life, the committments. He is a big picture man – he makes things happen, takes us from A to B, he pushes us forward, he fixes things when they’re broken. He is the oil in the machine. So it was natural for me to plan the event.

Also, the W word is intrinsically tied up in guys perception of women – women and weddings, they even sound alike. Weddings are something women aim for – a goal, a purpose. Weddings are to women what the first car is to a man – a kind of milestone on their pathway in life. And even if this isn’t true of you, it’s what your man thinks is true.

Your man loves you so much, he doesn’t want to take away from you this thing that you’ve been waiting for and thinking about for ears (remember, even if you haven’t, he thinks you have). And what part of a traditional wedding is fun for a man – you dress up in a stuffy suit, mumble some words in a long church service, stand around for a couple of hours having your photo taken, sit down while people talk for a few hours before you eventually get to eat, and then someone puts on some hokey music and you’re expected to dance. DANCE. The whole affair sounds like a night of torture, doesn’t it?

If you want your man involved you have to show him that your wedding won’t be like that. Your wedding will be fun. Because men work visually, you really do have to show him pictures of other people’s fun weddings before he’ll understand that weddings don’t have to be dull. And then you have to give him some jobs to do.

I told CDH he would choose what he could wear. I said he could turn up in ripped jeans and his cannibal corpse t-shirt if he wanted to. He’s gorgeous no matter what he wears He wanted to wear a cloak, white tunic and pants. He chose the velvet and satin for the cloaks – he chose the beautiful colours. He chose the pins. He loved using his imagination and wearing something he’d never worn before.

He chose his sword. After seeing my warrior waiting for me at the end of the aisle, one hand resting on the pommel of his sword and tears in his eyes, I honestly can’t understand why every groom doesn’t insist on carrying a sword.

Since we were using the sword to cut the cake, that got CDH thinking about that cake. One day he walked past a bakery and saw a cupcake tower in the window. “I want a cupcake wedding cake,” he said to me. “I want three different flavours – chocolate, strawberry and lemon. Woman, make it happen.” So I did.

I asked him about invites. I had a list of ideas and I couldn’t choose. He listened to my ideas and said. “I want them to be scrolls. Sealed with wax. Woman, make it happen.” So I did.

We originally had CDH’s band playing at the reception. He came to me one day and said “I don’t want the band to play. I want all the bandmembers to enjoy the wedding without worrying about playing. Woman, make it happen.” So I did.

I struggled through writing the ceremony, and wrote this horrible cheesy thing which he read and pronounced epically suckful (it was). He said “Woman, take a note.” and proceeded to dictate a beautiful, short and sweet ceremony.

He still maintained his only job was to turn up on the day with the correct piece of paper (which incidentally, he forgot.) But he put so much of his own creativity into the wedding planning that we ended up with a day that was us – me and him. None of my other married friends could say that.

Once you change the wedding formula – take away all the details that men associate with a wedding – you destroy their perception of the day as ‘yours’. Suddenly, they’re not planning a wedding, but a wicked awesome party. And our men are talented, creative individuals who love a good party. You’ll be surprised (hopefully, pleasently surprised) what wedding goodies they come up with.