My last post about the Goths in Hot Weather blog got me thinking about alternative weddings and weather.

It’s often said that as much as brides try to control their wedding, mother freakin-nature is the ONE aspect you can’t count on. In “normal” weddings, this means outdoor photo shoots in the vineyard and beach ceremonies might be off the cards if the weather doesn’t agree.

But for a skully wedding, the weather can play equal havoc on the best laid plans. Want a moonlight, candlelit ceremony? It’s not gonna happen if the wind is up. Want some post-apocalyptic hilltop stormy photographs – you’d better plan your wedding for hurricane season and hope for the best.

I’m a strong advocate for indoor ceremonies. When you’re planning an event that only lasts for 5-20 minutes and is SO reliant on candles and people hearing and you being able to see where you’re going and looking pretty for photographs and family members being comfortable … I think it’s easier to leave the super-dramatic fantasies for the bridal portraits.

We originally planned a moonlight, candlelit ceremony, but we quickly realised we’d be waiting till around 8pm at night for a suitable level of “kreig darkness” and if even a simple breeze blew up, the whole thing would be a bust. Rather than having the circus tent as our ‘backup’ we just moved the whole ceremony there – bingo, instant stress relief.

You’re always well advised to plan your wedding date in the season containing the weather you’d most prefer. But it’s not a contract between you and the weather gods. Don’t plan your wedding around a specific type of weather – you can’t get mad if it doesn’t turn out like you hoped.

My two best friends and I all had our weddings within 45 days of each other (different years). Jen’s was sweltering hot to the point that she nearly fainted at her reception. Mine was dreary and it bucketed down for an hour before the ceremony and from about 11pm onwards, and Lin’s was sunny and cool until about halfway through her photo session, where it bucketed down.

Wedding weather is just one of those things you have to cast off your shoulders, and say “Well, I’m looking forward to the weather surprise – I like surprises on my wedding!” and trust that your photographer knows how to get the look you want with the weather you have available.

Alternatively, you can sacrifice a goat to the weather gods. I’m sure they’d appreciate the trouble.

A beligerant bride on an international forum was speaking up about skully weddings today. ‘These people don’t have the right to get married!’ she spat. ‘Weddings are for grown-up, sensible people making a committment, not for play-acting or sticking it to your parents how “different” you are.”

This sentiment goes two ways, ladies.

I believe very firmly in not replying to opinions like this – there really IS just no changing some people. The US (where the majority of the brides on this forum reside) does have a very prominent wedding industry catering for a specific demographic – white, conservative – of which we gothic brides and punk rock grooms do not fit.

And I do think it’s true that ‘play acting’ isn’t exclusive to [intlink id="114" type="category"]gothic weddings[/intlink] – we’re just more overt. But then, maybe we aren’t. What are those huge, $5000 white dresses for? What are the yards of flowers and 7-tier-cakes and going into debt for the expensive vineyard for, if not play acting a ‘wedding’ dream?

It’s all the same people. The fact of the matter is that some people hold a wedding for the wrong reasons, and some people hold a wedding for the right reasons, and many people fall somewhere in the middle.

So what are the right reasons to hold a wedding? I don’t mean the right reasons to get married – we’ll discuss those in another post. What are the right reasons for all this wedding madness?

I think human nature plays a huge part. We’re social creatures – we love celebrating together. When something cool happens to you at work, you win a prize on the radio or get an A on your paper, you want to tell everyone! You want to celebrate! That feeling amplifies a hundred fold when you fall in love.

So in part, a wedding caters to our love of celebration and sharing with our friends and family. From a pure anthropological point of view, weddings serve important social functions – they allow family to reconnect, serve as a marker for children leaving the home, a time to review wills and property ownership, and a time when the makeup of a family changes dramatically. Everyone’s role in the family shifts ever so slightly. It’s also the beginning of the possibility of grandchildren.

So all of these familial considerations play important roles in the decision to have a wedding. For the couple themselves, having a wedding means creating a memory for the two of you – one you own as part of your married life, one you can look back on and say ‘that’s how we started on this path together, and look where we ended up’.

These are only my thoughts on the right reasons to plan a wedding. What do you think? Have I missed any? Can you tell me all about the WRONG reasons to plan a wedding?

I’m always in awe of the amazing creative talent on Etsy. No wonder so many brides shop on Etsy for unique wedding items.

If you’re new to Etsy, however, it can take a little while to understand how the site works. I thought I’d give a little info to help potential Skully brides and grooms with successful etsy shopping trips:

When you arrive at Etsy, you probably have a fair idea of what your looking for – a necklace, corset, garter, invitation, favor bags, flower girl dress, etc. You know roughly what style of wedding you want – gothic, punk, rockabilly, etc, and you might have an idea about possible colours. Your first stop should be the search engine.

Etsy have just revamped their search to incorporate more advanced settings. Items are categorized by their listing date. For example, when you type in  ’gothic wedding’ you come up with around 50 pages. The items on the first page have just been posted, and the items on the last page might have been posted a few months ago.

You can further refine your searches and use the minus key to cancel out words. Ie, typing: goth wedding -garter -corset will give you all the goth wedding items that aren’t garters or corsets, in theory, at least.

In reality, becuase of the way Etsy’s search works, it can be difficult to find items you need. Etsy sellers ‘tag’ their items with up to 14 keywords, and Etsy uses the keywords to locate the items, so if the keyword isn’t in an item, it won’t show up. Many sellers also abuse the keyword, adding words for items that don’t have anything to do with that item – eg, labelling an apron a ‘dress’.

As you browse the categories you may see items you like. Clicking on the item takes you to the description of that item – you can see a few more photos, read more about the item (it’s measurements, colour choices, etc) and find out the shipping cost.

If you’re still interested in the item, check out the seller’s shop policies page. Their policies should tell you how long your item will take to arrive (useful to know if your wedding date fast approaches), their refund and returns policies, how they ship, and any other information they need to know.

For International Buyers: many sellers only list US shipping in their item description, but actually provide international shipping if you convo them and ask for a quote. This information should be on their policy page.

Next, read through some of the seller’s feedback. Even if the seller has 100% positive feedback, they could still have several neutrals or negatives (the system only counts neutrals/negatives if they become more than a certian percentage of the sales). Read the comments on ANY neutrals/negatives and decide for yourself if you think the buyer or seller was in the right. Remember you can click through to the ‘feedback left for others’ page and read what sellers have said to other buyers.

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes – you shouldn’t NOT buy from a seller just because they have negative feedback. But if you feel the feedback might represent ongoing problems with the sellers products or service, you could look elsewhere.

If you’ve decided to purchase the item, place it in your cart and follow Etsy’s checkout system. Make sure you type in a CORRECT address, as often paypal struggles to update your address and you could have an old address written in your paypal account (even if you’ve changed it). Sellers know to use the Etsy address.

At the end of the checkout you’ll notice a button that says ‘commit to buy’. Etsy is NOT integrated with paypal so you need to click this button to enter paypal yourself and complete the transaction. Sometimes, this screws up – contact the seller if you weren’t able to pay via the paypal button and they will send you an updated paypal invoice.

If you’re paying by another method, check the sellers policy page and ‘note to buyer’ for instructions. You can use the paypal shopping cart to pay by credit card even if you don’t have a paypal account.

You should always leave feedback after recieving your item. If your item arrives late (or doesn’t arrive at all) contact the seller (via Etsy’s convo system or email) and inform them before placing feedback – chances are they’ll be happy to help you right the problem.

I hope that’s given everyone a great rundown on what to expect when buying on Etsy. If anyone else has any tips, tricks or advices, post them in the comments below!

Just a heads up that today is your LAST chance to get your hands on the [intlink id="392" type="page"]gothic wedding planner[/intlink] or [intlink id="2" type="page"]halloween wedding planner[/intlink] at the 50% off SALE PRICES.

You can enter the promo code ‘mmmdonuts’ into the discount box above the buy now button on either of the pages to get the sale price. OR purchase through Wedding Skulls Etsy shop. While you’re there you can browse through our other wicked alternative wedding items.

This promotion has been a huge success and I’d personally like to thank EVERYONE who has helped spread the word on blogs and forums, and who has purchased my ebooks. I’m totally in awe of all you amazing people who seem to think I have something “useful” to say. I wish each and every one of you an awesome, pig-plague-free day, and hope to see you on the comments threads soon!

Love and Epic Metal Horns! \m/

Steff

Dear Wedding Skulls!

Help! We are SO POOR! I mean, food-stamp poor. My fiance was laid seven months ago, and I was laid off last month. We due to be married in three months. His parent’s gave us $500 towards the wedding, and now that’s all we can spend! We’ve already had the rings made and I don’t want to cancel, or elope. I wanted to have a big party with all my friends and family. I’m so sad. What can I do?

My heart goes out to you, and every other family who’s been affected by job loss over the last year. It can be very hard to stay positive when you’re faced with the endless rejection letters. I’ve been there one – I understand, and it’s not easy.

I don’t think you should postpone your wedding. I think you need the party. Life doesn’t stop because you’re in the poo. Have your wedding, celebrate that even in tough times, the two of you have each other, and you have your friends and family, and nothing – NOTHING – is more important or more worthy of celebrating than that.

The wonderful thing here is that you HAVE a brilliant support network. Instead of using them to cry to or bitch at, why not employ their services to create a fab wedding party everyone can enjoy. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help – they love you and your crazy ways, and they’ll be thrilled to be a part of your wedding.

Here’s what I would do. Take your $500, say ‘thank you SO much’ to your kind in-laws, and make that your firm budget. Call your local council and find the cheapest hall they have. Or host the wedding in your or a friend’s backyard, if you can. Venue cost should be $100 at most, hopefully less.

While your talking to city hall, find out the minimum required regulations for marriage in your city and note them down. How much is a license? How much for a court official? If it’s cheaper, I would go to the courthouse earlier in the day/week and sign your papers, than have a friend conduct a ‘non-legal’ ceremony at the wedding. Cost of legal mumbo-jumbo – $100

Next, I would call – yes call – every one of your friends and relatives and invite them. Or, better yet, if they’re nearby go and visit them. Assuming you’ve still got a phone, or legs, this is free, and SO personal. Spend some time with each person, learn about what’s going on in their lives, let them know what’s going on in your life and wedding, and make sure they write down all the wedding details. Invitation cost – FREE.

While you’re inviting your friends, explain to them that you won’t be accepting wedding presents, but a plate of food to share would be most appreciated. Also explain it’s BYO alcohol. Cost of reception – FREE

Search through your closet for all ball dresses / goth clothes / corsets you haven’t worn in awhile. Can you assemble a great-looking outfit for your wedding with what you have? Can you give some clothes to a seamstress friend to transform into a wedding-worthy outfit? Cost of wedding dress – FREE, or $20 for extra materials.

If you really can’t find anything, scour ebay, etsy, goth trading sites (I know there are some) and discount dress shops like Dress of Your Dreams, until you can find something special for a bargain price. Wait till after prom / ball season and scour the discount racks at high street clothing stores – you’ll find hundreds of beautiful dresses for around $20. Cost of wedding dress – $20-100.

Does you beloved have some funky clothes he could wear? Does he have an older brother he could borrow a suit or other attire from? I have a friend whose husband wore his everyday, floor length black leather trenchcoat to their gothic wedding – and he looked STUNNING. Generally, men don’t care about these things so let him wear something he already looks great and feels comfortable in. Cost of mens attire – FREE.

Allow your attendants to wear whatever they want. you could give them a colour or a style and get them to pick something appropriate from their own clothes. They can beg, borrow and steal from others to find something fun and appropriate. I personally think randomly-dressed attendants look the best! Cost of attendents attire – FREE.

Since you’re on my site you’re probably having a unique gothicky, halloweeny, wedding, right? So instead of flowers, carry a candle down the aisle. You’ve got candles and wrought-iron candlesticks at home right, you goffick, you? Just be careful to have one with a wide drip-tray – you don’t ant to spill dripping wax on your pretty dress. Cost of flowers – FREE, or $10 if you have t buy candles.

Do you know any great bakers? Could they bake you a wedding cake instead of bringing a plate? Cost of cake – FREE

I’m sure you know some friends in bands or other performance groups. My friends had a group of firedancers hanging out, that kept everyone entertained for hours (they even tried to teach me how to spin the staff). If you have the wedding at someone’s house, you could set up singstar or guitar hero on their TV (ONE of your friends must have these that you could borrow). How much fun would that be? Reception Entertainment – FREE.

I’ve taken care of all the big things, but it’s up to you to find the rest. Remember, a wedding is not about all the expensive stuff – it’s about celebrating with the people you love.

I bet my awesome readers have tons more ideas. Let ‘er rip in comments, guys!

Yaaarrrrr!

I might have mentioned this before, but I thought I’d better do a whole post on the topic. Just in time for Etsy Day, Wedding Skulls now has an Etsy shop! You can buy both wedding planner ebooks there – as well as my writing ebooks, and copywriting / marketing writing packages for Etsy shops.

But that’s not the best part. A good friend of mine – Amy Beales – has come on board as well. She’s selling her beautiful line of gothic clothing and accessories, including wedding garters, favor bags, rosaries, coats, corsets, bags and more. Every one of her creations is custom made to your exact measurements, so you can change the colours/fabrics if you desire. Her pride and joy is the Nevermore coat – a stunning red floor-length gothic coat with handmade fastenings.

For those of you who have NO IDEA what I’m rambling on about, Etsy is a network for people to buy and sell handcrafted goods. You can sign up for a free account and browse away till your eyes are sore. So many talented, wonderful people sell and shop on Etsy, and Wedding Skulls is honoured to now be counted amongst them.

Wedding Skulls are also proud members of Etsy Dark Side street team. You can find us on their website, forum and blog. If you search ‘etsydarkteam’ in tags, you’ll find all the delightful gothicky items.

We’re adding new items every day, and we’ve got TONS to add. So keep checking back. We have a special section just for – well – specials, and we’re active in the Etsy forums.

Also, don’t forget that you have only FIVE MORE DAYS of the Wedding Planner Promotion – %50 off both wedding planners when you enter the discount code mmmdonuts or buy through the Etsy shop. Get yours today!