I’m truly honoured to welcome a rad lady to Wedding Skulls today. Elizabeth Fournier is visiting us as part of a blog tour to promote her new book ‘All Men are Cremated Equal’, which I recommend you all go and pick up as it looks tremendously funny.

After fleeing the not-quite-man-of-her-dreams at the age of 35, Elizabeth embarked upon a unique experiment, attending and rating 77 blind dates over the course of 12 months, in her search for Mr. Right. Her unusual job as a mortician makes for some awkward and humorous moments.

I especially love this quote from her FAQ page:

Did you always want to be a mortician?

After I got over my dream of being a Solid Gold Dancer, I promptly headed into my local funeral home and asked for a job, any job. I became the live-in night keeper. I resided in a trailer in the far reaches of a large, hilly cemetery and slept with a shotgun near my bed. It was the scariest summer of my life.

Tomorrow Elizabeth will be posting over on the Divine Miss Mommy blog. You can find out more about the her other tour dates, and purchase All Men Are Cremated Equal. In the meantime, I’ll hand you over to Elizabeth:

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When I worked at Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Los Altos, California, USA, many newlyweds would opt for a wedding day portrait on the stunning bridge cresting the duck pond. A white limo would occasionally roll in around closing on Saturdays and a blissful couple would spill out for photos. We would stare out the office windows in awe of their random, but breathtakingly beautiful choice.

Marriage is exciting. It’s a new beginning, and for that alone I love weddings. I’m particularly intrigued by couples who pledge their undying love among the dearly departed. A cemetery is a fantastic choice for the joining of two hearts. I was married in a colossal palace in New Jersey, and we did it again in a cathedral downtown Portland, Oregon, but I am a true fan, nonetheless.

I witnessed an amazing wedding a few years back. The bride walked down a rose-strewn path to Trans Siberian Orchestra’s “Wizards in Winter” played on the viola. She met her groom who was waiting by the graves of her parents and little sister. She wanted to make the wedding a family affair. I respected and adored her sentimentality.

The bride stood near a huge bush of bubblegum pink hybrid tea roses and wore an off-white silk gown, complete with flowing train. A funky gargoyle loomed nearby. It was all so charming and was indeed a simple wedding at a historical romantic place, as the bride wanted. The ambience was solemn, but the mood was festive. They exchanged vows in
the aptly named Garden of Hope.

Numerous couples love the graveyard idea due to the variety of breathtaking canvases for wedding day photography. Older burial yards offer majestic crypt building, centuries-old headstones, and even some gorgeous stained glass. Many contain a wide variety of trees, natural vegetation, as well as other colorful and cool flowers. Lots of cemeteries have chapels, and a memorial chapel is the perfect size for
a smallish wedding.

I walked up the aisle to Alison Brown’s haunting banjo solo “Saint Genevieve”. So many times I thought about how incredibly perfect it would have been as its luscious melody filled the air of a cemetery.

Earlier this week, I brought CDH a flute.

Several months ago, CDH got it into his head that he needed to put together a heavy metal band like no heavy metal band ever before – a mix of traditional old school thrash metal and … flute. Somebody had been listening to too much Jethro Tull. But the idea stuck, and after several months of incessent pestering, I relented and brought him a Japanese knock-off Yamaha flute from Trade Me.

After a few days of playing, he’s already mastered simple tunes and is working his way through his first Jethro Tull song. He’s also hopping around the house on one leg and cannot stop smiling or talking about his flute. He’s taken no lessons, but figured it all out by ‘pushing all the knobbly bits and seeing what happens’.

I think this is what I love the most about marriage – ‘pushing all the knobbly bits and seeing what happens’. I love that I live in the same house with someone who has as many – if not more – hair-brained schemes than me, and I love being part of them all (even the unsuccessful ones).  I love that seeing him succeed with his goals and dreams feels just as amazing as when I succeed.

I love pushing the boundaries of what we can do and who we can be. I’ve always been the person who said ‘why not?’ I always pushing myself that extra bit, worked a little harder, because I never wanted to look back on my life with regret. I love that I am with someone who shares that vision, who dares to strive for ridiculous dreams, and who always asks me ‘why not?’ when I have a moment of sensibility.

Sometimes I watch CDH and feel like I’m witnessing history in the making. Maybe he’s not anything special, really. I wouldn’t know. But to me, he’s something amazing. A miracle. Yee Gods, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I thought I’d share a few of the cool items we’ve been putting up in the Wedding Skulls etsy shop:

Juliana pirate purse, $25, from Amy at Wedding Skulls

First up, we have Juliana, a pirate wench purse for all your hidden treasure. Made by Amy from black satin and red lace, and lined with black satin, this cute handbag will keep all your essentials – makeup, cellphone and wallet – safe and snug.

Enchantress gothic wedding garter, $12, by Amy at Wedding Skulls

Also by Amy, the ‘Enchantress’ black and white gothic garter. Made from black linen and white satin with a tiny flower, this garter’s a little bit classy, a little bit risque, and a whole lot of alluring.

And finally, I know how difficult it can be writing your wedding vows, so I’m offering alternative wedding vows writing packages. If you want that unique touch, I can write it – poems, lyrics, crazy, zany stuff – you name it, I’ll write it. I’m already working on my first commission, for a Viking metalhead comic book wedding!

There’s plenty more where these came from at the Wedding Skulls shop. Amy has tons more wonderful creations to add, and I’m working on a couple of paintings to put up, too. I really want to get more of my own crafts up there, because I feel a bit stink that all I’ve got so far is writing packages. But as it’s only 61 days till I go on my OE, I don’t know how much I’ll get done!

Readers, lets see your new Etsy shop goodies in the comments! I want to know what new items you’ve put out, and what new goodies you’ve brought!

CDH and I celebrated our six-month wedding anniversary on friday. He surprised me at 6am with another Pandora bead for my beautiful black necklace – this one has little orange stones and kind of looks like a Cthulhu head. I cooked him a lovely dinner of lamb and honey-roasted veges and made chocolate-chip biscuits and gave him lots of cuddles.

I figured now would be a good time to indulge y’all with some pithy observations about our first six months of marriage.

1. Nothing Changes

Sorry to burst your bubble, if you thought this was the case. Post marriage sex is the same as pre marriage sex (ie: great). Post marriage cuddles are the same as pre marriage cuddles. I can’t suddenly sing in tune or cook perfect rice or drive to work by myself. CDH hasn’t traded in his drumkit for a harmonica like I asked him to do TWO YEARS ago (after the seventh trip up the stairs carrying another bass drum).

2. Marriage is not hard.

‘Marriage is hard work’ I hear from numerous blogs, books and advice columns. Damn, I pity all those people, slaving away at their spousal happiness, while CDH and I singalong to Hammerfall in the car. Or maybe we’re just lucky. Marriage to CDH = a piece of piss.

Cold Hands Apparently do not Equal Wuv

I crawled into bed last night to get some CDH warmth. My cold hands snaked around his back and he squealed and squirmed away, took all the blankets and lay quivvering on the floor in a pool of ridiculous cuteness. “Cold hands does not equal wuv” he says, as he grudgingly offers me a miniscule corner of the blanket.

Money is the Root of All Marital Disagreements

So far, all our “small” disagreements (not arguements) have been over money. I am a savey-McSaves alot – I HATE spending money unless it’s on doing something fun. CDH LOVES shopping and spending on ANYTHING, esp stuff we don’t need. We disagree, we agree to disagree, we have wuv and snuggles and giggle at our silliness. It all works out ok in the end.

Do you have any more marital advice to share? I know all my readers are absolute fonts of wisdom – don’t be shy! I want to know

Since I do natter on about him all the time, I thought I’d show y’all some pics of my awesome husband. These were taken at his final gig with his heavy metal covers band ‘Under the Covers’ a couple of weekends ago, at Oblivion, the local metal bar.

The gig rocked, and CDH kicked some serious drumming ass, as usual. I know I’m biased, but he is HONESTLY one of the best drummers I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen a LOT of drummers.

I’ve got a video of his drum solo (but I missed the wanky technical bit and only got the end) but I’ll only put that up if I get requests I don’t want to slow anyone’s browser unnecessarily.

CDH looking like a metal god \m/

Via Art of Darkness, I give thee a link to John Bean Hastings’ awesome primor on heavy metal satan fingers.

\m/ Kreig